I want to believe that this is still some sort of fucked up elaborate prank but it's more like, it's not actually you, like in this timeline there's an option that is basically the real dude who actually beat a terminal illness/one of their friends comes back and is like "hey this is somebody else trying to make sketchek look bad" rather than "lol yeah i pulled a merbo and hyped up my comeback but ill explain more on my youtube channel remember to subscribe #logang4ever"
We know your name. TF2 knows your name. They wrote your name in history when they rebuffed the Axtinguisher. They respected how much you put into their game and they honoured you. People honoured you, trusted you, missed you. Mourned for you. It was a breath of fucking fresh air for a lot of people hearing you were still alive and chose to focus on IRL. And when you hyped up your comeback and it was like oh shit, he did it, he fucking survived and he beat his terminal illness and he's okay thank the Lord Jesus in heaven and/or the miracles of good doctors and modern medicine.
I don't wish you death. It's fine to hear you haven't passed away and that you're okay. I do think it was the right thing for you to come forward about how it was a hoax. But I want you to think about this, and really think about this, because TF2 honoured your name out of a lot of names in this community: there are people who contributed to this game, played this game, or were influenced by this game just as much as you. These people were loved, respected, appreciated. To this day, they still are remembered and celebrated by the people closest to them.
And they're not with us anymore.
I moderated the memorial church service on TFTV's Twitch because we had the chat open, that's what Miggy's friends had asked for when they had asked if we were able to honour that request.
I heard his friends, along with eXtine, with broken, tearful voices at the end of the service as they talked about him, and talked about his dream project of making more functional hospital gowns, which met its goal.
I heard Fanotak's tears too as she broke to us the news of Ultimote's passing in the SFM community, which coincided with the passing of Kitty0506 due to a cancer he couldn't beat - the man who shaped GMod/SFM TF2 machinima.
I saw the post about CornishGamerHen and I felt his friends' pain. I watched the community band together Heals For Reals in his honour, and raise awareness about suicide.
I remember finding SubtleArt 3-4 years too late after his suicide, realizing this was the gamer that basically helped shape the whole Spy playstyle and made a bunch of Spy pubbers and HL players open their minds up to all the shit you could pull off as that class.
And I want this to sink into whatever brain matter you have left in your skull:
But you lied.
And while you can come back and say "hi, I'm still here" - they can't.
Some of them have when they were still fighting against terminal illness or mental illness. Not as a joke, as a status update on their life.
But they won't be able to tell us that ever again.
And for me, after seeing or hearing the mourning of the friends & family close to these people, the sadness of the people who looked up to them...I don't care what reasoning you have for doing this. I'm so angry. How dare you. How dare you play with people about onething as serious as life-threatening terminal illness.
Whatever Youtube apology or justification that you give, right now, will not change what you did. And later, when/if people are ready to forgive you, or whenever you might be ready to forgive yourself and move forward from the guilt if you have any - it will still not change the extent of how much damage you have inflicted, to the people who cared for you, in this moment in time.